Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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