I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
