Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
