wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
