Don't you send me to vm
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize