Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
