that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
