Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(623): View more from Arizona

Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.

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(419): View more from Ohio

This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

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(850): View more from Florida

We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

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(845): View more from New York

I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

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(440): View more from Ohio

You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative

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(416): View more from Toronto

If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?

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(317): View more from Indiana

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?

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