All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
