I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So many bounce houses so little time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
