It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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