Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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