Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
