you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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