Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
