I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
