Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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