I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize