She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
