Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
