need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
