Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
