I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
