If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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