This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
