well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
