Moan for me like Helen Keller
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
