Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
