Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
