I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize