You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
