he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
