we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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