I faked an abortion last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize