to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
