We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
