i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
