you have to choose: penises or morals?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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