dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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