I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
