I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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