so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
