her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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