Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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