Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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