The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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