im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
