at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
