I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize