Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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