you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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