I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
