sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize