you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
