alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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