I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
