Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
