Plan B is the new Plan A
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize