I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
