She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize