come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
