my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
