I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize