Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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