i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
