well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize