lets start a swedish sibling band together
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
