Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
