I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
