I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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