and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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