lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
