direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize