i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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