If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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