I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
