he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry about my life...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
