Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
