He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
