youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
