she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
