Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
