Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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