i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
