im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
