so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
being pregnant is like rehab
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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