margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
