I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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