Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
